meditations

Hello there. Upon meditating today I found some answers to some questions I asked myself; I don't know if they are correct answers but I guess there the best I have. I should stop worrying about what has been and focus on what I want to be. The judgements of others against me should not worry me for its a sign of a petty mind to unfairly judge and condemn others. I have been, shamefully unemployed for nearly a year now; and I'm only sad about the lack of development I have had over that time. True; I have developed in that time however not to my fullest potential due to the lack of a structured environment.

Of course you could view my unfortunate unemployment as my own fault; but I have applied for 100's of jobs. Quite clearly I may have been doing something wrong, but I find it petty that others should overlook me and all my potential due to those errors.

I long for the days, but a fairytale to me, where a person could walk into a business, apply and be accepted for a job on his own merits there and then. Not only do we have to jump through ridicules hoops, reduce ourselves to two sides of A4 and slavishly boast and advertise ourselves at every given opportunity but to be treated with such contempt is undignified. To not even be told if we have the job, Assumed failure; I'm just sick of it.

I'm a graduate with strong skills, a hard working attitude, I'm studious and would give my all to any job offered and yet nobody seems to want me.

I guess there is a group of people somewhere who want me to stay unemployed. I guess it means less competition for them. If the UK really hates people working why does the UK allow such vast amounts of immigration? Is it that they want us to be poor and unhappy consumers and for foreigners to do all the work? I would be fine with this arrangement, pained and anguished at the loss of my own potential if it were not so cruel; I'm not just poor but our home is threatened; We can't afford to buy all the shit you want to sell and stay in our home. I so need to go out and develop my life, please help. Forgive us.

Rating my University course.

I would give LSBU and my course a 9/10 because all through the course my grades were slowly rising until I ended up with a 2:1. we had a lot of interesting people who came in and taught, we covered so much on a wide verity of subjects, mostly media theory, language, game theories, practical experience in various software and programming tools. I also like that I got to meet a variety of interesting people from all backgrounds taking all sorts of subjects, and we also bad cross course collaboration, like we would sometimes work with the Sonic media students supporting each other’s projects.

Although I loved my course and learned loads I do wonder if I should have taken a more programming orientated computer science course. I feel I have gained an awful lot of skills in valuable transferable subjects I wouldn't have if I had done a ‘nerdier’ course but there are more programming jobs out there.

I also feel other people went into the course with more of an idea of what they wanted to do and they then produced material which went straight into their profiles (material that employers want to see). Although I completed every task and gained a lot of knowledge in the process what I produced wasn't aimed at getting me a job, rather I let my creativity run supreme and made some good innovative stuff.

Again I'll say you get out what you out in, coming from a poor background, having faced family problems and having had legitimate troubles with my early schooling I feel through hard work and determination I have moved through and up on the education ladder. However with my recent spell of unemployment and because a lot of the people around me lack any aspirations, well, I have gotten slightly depressed now that I'm back home.

when I started work at Asda at 16 I pushed myself pretty hard, with a full time college course I was doing a 84 hour week (inc homework) and whilst I was working at Asda (which I hatred) I met quite a few people who has spent their life working in similar jobs, many had been at Asda for 20 years and they told me to get out, to get out whilst I could and try to make something of myself. Now after 2 GNVQ'S, 5 A levels and my degree I dread to contemplate going back. I know it’s selfish of me and I did have friends that work there quite happily but the workers warnings haunt me. I know how easy it is to slip into a routine and watch your life pass before your eyes.

I have thought about moving abroad for work. With Mervin King and the like saying that England will be facing years of increasing poverty and social unrest I just want to escape. The evil former government gave me a £24,000 debt to haunt me. I have never seen such extreme amounts of money. I HATE how they force everyone in the UK to have extreme debts, just for wanting an education or a house to live in. Debt is the most insidious form of slavery, because you can make people work for very little money whilst most of their pay cheque goes to a bank whilst houses in the UK get smaller and crappier and more expensive. We already have the smallest homes in Europe. Another slice of a person’s wage-slavery will go into a pension the worker will likely not get until there 120, and as the miserable Western empire falls as oil and natural resources decline we'll all just have to suffer more ill health and more deaths, whilst war over what is left intensifies like the aging roman empire.

well.... Ok... maybe it’s not all that bad but it feels pretty bad to me, as my family sinks deeper and deeper into debt. I need a job.

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